I used to get most of my joy through coffee. I’ve always liked the effects of it more than the taste. I first noticed the pleasure it evoked during a fourth year neuroscience seminar class. Neuroscience is fascinating but it can be dry and intensely complicated. When the going gets rough my mind would rather just turn off than try to understand. The confusion I feel when trying to learn complex topics is viscerally uncomfortable and if I’m not interested I’d just rather give up. So one day I showed up to class with an extra large Tim’s coffee. As the class went on, I found myself more and more interested in neurotransmitters, their receptors and how Parkinson’s changes the brain. Not only that, but for the first time ever I was enjoying the lecture and easily understanding it. I equated all my success to that giant coffee and never showed up to that neuroscience class again without it. Coffee became my daily companion and four or five cups of it a day was not out of the ordinary. It made me more attentive, smarter, more energetic, happier, funnier, and more engaged and interested in whatever I was doing. Coffee equaled happiness. Of course MDMA took that pleasure to the next level in my undergrad days but that’s another story for another time. Needless to say, I believed that joy was dependent on something external, and naturally so, as that’s what we’re taught. Not to say that joy shouldn’t be dependent on external objects or circumstances; that’s just how we’re wired. But if that’s the only form of joy we experience in our lifetimes, then we won’t ever come to know our inherent joy. The type of joy that is dependent on things out there in the world is fleeting. Once we obtain the object of our desire, we’re only happy for a short time before we move on to the next thing. But there’s another kind of joy which is innate within us. It’s the absolute joy that comes with us into this world and often gets veiled by our trauma and the complexities of our lives. Children embody this joy, as do dogs. They need no reason to run, jump and celebrate as they have such easy access to this part of themselves. As adults we’re so wrapped up and identified with our thoughts and emotions that our access to this innate joy becomes limited.
This infinite supply of joy is usually shrouded by thoughts, physical sensations, and emotional content on the surface. We don’t see the calm waters at the bottom of the lake on a windy day. We identify mainly with the rough movement on the surface that preoccupies us. Getting still takes courage, but as we do so, we begin to witness the content of our minds and bodies and are able to disidentify from it. Continuing to witness brings us into contact with the totality of our being and the innate and independent joy that comes with being sentient. In this way, stillness leads to a kind of joy that has a more pervasive effect than a jolt of coffee.
In addition to stillnes we can access our innate joy through evoking relative, or dependent joy. Walking in nature, laughing with friends and loved ones, watching funny movies, eating our favourite food and hanging out with dogs are all great ways to do so. From there, try feeling where joy lives in your body. How does it feel in your chest? Your belly? Your arms? Does it feel expansive and if so how? Being present to the full, bodily experience of joy allows us to recognize it more clearly and access it more easily. From there, and through practicing disidentifying with the surface content of thoughts and emotions, our innate joy shines inward and outward as we allow it to become our full experience. The Dalai Lama is a wonderful example of this. Not to say we won’t have bad days and challenging emotions, but with persistence, a glimmer of innate joy and equanimity will remain even in turbulent times. This is no easy undertaking, but the peace and ease of suffering it brings make it a journey worth taking.
I can 100% agree with coffee equating to happiness! However, it is true that when we rely solely on external factors to bring us joy and happiness, we may be left flailing when the going gets tough. Thank you for bringing awareness to the importance of learning to feel joy within our body, and more importantly HOW to do so! A great lesson in what we all have within us that is unwavering and persistent <3